Trouble saying 'no'?
Feb 05, 2024
Yeah, me too.
The number of times that I have reluctantly said yes to taking on an extra project, stayed back late when I didn’t want to, or changed my annual leave to accommodate a team member is countless!
My smile plastered on top of resentment, eating away at my insides, had a massive impact on my well-being. I became tired, overweight and, to be honest, not a great person to be around in my personal life.
I thought I was being smart and “getting ahead” by pleasing people, but what I realised was that my opportunities at work actually started declining.
Why?
Because by not setting boundaries others saw me as someone who was a “follower,” not a confident “leader”.
But the pressure I felt to excel at everything (i.e. the superwoman syndrome) meant that I took on more than I could handle. We’ll talk more about this syndrome next week.
I did this for countless years in my business too. Moved client appointments to times that suited them, but not me or my family. Completed homework on behalf of them when it wasn’t in their best interest, or mine. As a result, I missed spending time with my family, I felt like I was letting my family down, I felt stressed and I valued myself less for it.
I wanted people to like me. I wanted to please them. But I started resenting myself instead.
So, what have I learned and am implementing in 2024?
Being accountable to me
I have since learned that saying “no’ is an incredibly powerful tool for preserving my well-being, building my energy, getting clearer on what's important to me. So, I started by making intentional choices that aligned with what I really wanted in life.
I started small, declining one meeting a month that I really didn’t need to be at. I then set up a reminder each fortnight to review my calendar and decline other meetings that didn’t fulfil my priorities or goals.
Soon I had a much clearer diary, giving me more mental space and guess what? That small step gave me the confidence to say ‘no’ before I even accepted them!
I saw people looking to me for help, and I started seeing how to help them but without doing the work myself.
Prioritised my wellbeing
I realised that saying ‘no’ didn’t let people down. It wasn’t a sign of weakness. And I also didn’t have to use the word “no”. I have included my top 10 “no without saying no” responses in the Career Hack section below.
Doing this projected my energy and gave me space to do stuff I really wanted to do, and I actually excelled at.
And the great thing? No one actually cared I’d said no. Win!
In fact, I noticed people starting to find their own solution, they started building a path to resolving issues sooner and they felt more empowered. I also felt a shift in our relationship, where they respected my time and priorities more.
First 30 Days: I set clear expectations for myself
Sounds so simple but resetting expectations was hard.
I wrote out 4 things that I was trading:
- I trade the idea of pleasing my boss for pleasing my family
- I trade the idea of doing everything helps others for delegating back will help them more in the long term
- I trade the idea that I will doing everything for you for, I believe I can help you prioritise the things that matter
- I trade the idea that feeling anxious means I did my best, for, I only work on the rightt hings to ensure I maintain energy and wellness
I changed my schedule
I started small; simply changing my email signature to include the times that I wasn’t available. I then planned my annual leave in advance and put it in my entire team's calendars so there were no mistake double ups.
Finally, I created a 12-week planner to discuss with my manager so they knew when I was at capacity and they didn’t pile on extra work. I communicated weekly to keep this top of mind.
Career Advancement
It was interesting, learning to say ‘no’ strategically only enhanced my professional image. It had me be seen as a leader who made impactful choices and ultimately led me to more opportunities and promotions.
In my business, saying ‘no’ has given me more time with my family, more enjoyment creating programs and content and ultimately being a happier person.
So, where can you start setting boundaries today? What is one thing you can implement that is super easy?