OMG, did that really happen?

We’ve all heard horror job interview stories but a client I coached last week told me about a doozy she’d had a few years ago.  

Brace yourself ladies, especially all you mamma’s out there. 

​​The role she applied for was a senior management role in a large energy company, let’s say one of the largest in the industry. 

Even though she was more than qualified, she was nervous, she hadn’t worked in the energy sector before, so had taken a long time to get the courage to apply for a role of this level of seniority in a completely new industry.  

This was a big deal for her.. 

And of course, she got an interview straight away. 

During the interview, the panel talked about the importance of the role being able to increase the financial success of the business, and how previous incumbents hadn't been able to handle the pressure.

My client had taken bad businesses and turned them around numerous times. She is not new to this.  This is her zone of genius. 

They went on to explain there were late nights that occurred regularly, overtime is a given, and a stack of travel involved at numerous times in the year.  That’s on top of managing a large team. 

Here’s where it gets interesting. 

The next question they asked was “how do you think your husband and children will feel about you spending more time with us, than them?”. 

Worth calling out, she didn’t reveal any information about her home life, so they had clearly taken research beyond what’s reasonable.

It continues: “What strategies will you put in place to keep your home life separate and not interrupt your workflow here?” 

It gets worse.

 “Personally, I work too hard, it’s why my wife left me. But this role requires dedication… how old are you kids again, they seem young?”

And then the final straw… “Well, I don’t mean to scare you off, I just know how these roles can be on woman - and it would be good to work with more women at this level”

… said with a wink and a smile!

I had to ask a few times, did that really happen?

“Yes” was the answer. 

Caught off guard she gave a response that she felt put her best foot forward, didn’t rock the boat and she tried to dismiss what had just happened, but she could hear herself talking and not believe what was coming out of her mouth. 

She was in shock.

The fall out…

She questioned everything. Her ambition. Her role as a mother and wife. Whether she should play along, or stand up for herself and risk a career limiting move. 

She received a call a week later saying “We had a lot of great candidates apply and we won’t be proceeding…yada yada yada”. 

Great in hindsight, but us women feel things very deeply.  It’s really hard to shake off moments like these, and rejection, even when it’s done by someone who you know you don’t want to work with, is hard.  It can follow us for years. 

In a study “Leaning Out: How Negative Recruitment Experiences Shape Women’s Decisions to Compete for Executive Roles” it states that women are 1.5 times less likely than men to apply for future roles that they’ve been previously rejected for. 

The impact? 

My client doubted her abilities even more.  She stopped going for opportunities.  She started to feel lost.  She wasn’t living her full potential. 

Bouncing back from rejection is hard.   And the thought of attending another interview was super scary.

Here’s what we worked on together and it wasn’t the standard “rejection also comes with a hidden gift” rhetoric. 

Rejection sucks, but for how long?

I heard a saying years ago that stuck with me, “pitch a pity party tent, just don’t build a resentment house”. 

Here’s the thing, you can take a tent down in minutes.  It takes months and years to demo and rebuild a house. 

You get to choose. 

The action plan. 

So, there's two key things to do: 

Action 1.

BS like this happens and often we suffer in silence. We brush it off, only to feel it build in the background. And because we brush it off, we feel alone in the experience.

Build a community of women around you who see the best in you, you feel comfortable talking to, and who will throw a similar story back at you so you don’t feel alone. Find women at a similar level who will challenge you to continue on your quest for an amazing career.

Action 2. 

Ensure you have a rock solid career blueprint. This should cover the things you want in life, and what you are not willing to sacrifice for your career -  the non-negotiable's in life (your manager's ethos, team dynamic, work environment, your task output, organisational culture, work life balance, remuneration etc). 

All of these things are super important (critically important actually) and it’s ok to miss, lose, and decline opportunities that don’t fit with your blueprint. 

There is power in that for you. 

My lovely client took on both of those coaching opportunities and got back on the job interview horse. 

She’s just landed an incredible job, one that is just as senior but a million times better!

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