Embrace career & be an amazing mum
Oct 11, 2023
Career vs. Kids 
An overwhelming (but unsurprising) 78% of Mums feel 'Mum guilt', with 68% saying they feel it every...single...day. Sometimes more!
The main cause…'not spending enough time with the kids'.
My Story 
Yesterday, my eldest son stopped me, I was heading to a virtual meeting, and he said…
“Mum, will you sit with me?”
He had the saddest eyes. I knew deep down he needed me, I felt I hadn't spent enough time with him, and he was hurt…and I’m thrown into an impossible situation...
Either sit with him, potentially miss the meeting, and compromising the relationship I have with my client.
OR
Tell him I don’t have time, make my meeting, and try to make it up to him later…
But internally, I know that in his world he feels neglected, that he comes second to my work. I know the impact of this is real - his self esteem, his needs, his mental health, and our relationship.
Enter a serious dose of mum guilt.
For me, I often feel I live an unsustainable life, every...single...day. So I started to look up a few facts.
The Research 
A study in the US followed over 370 families for more than ten years. It looked at how they coped as parents from pregnancy to their kids' early years.
And guess what?
They found couples endured many negative outcomes - social and behavioural patterns as well as negative impacts on mental and physical health.
Double down by adding elements of an inflexible workplace...and you guessed it, all of these negative impacts are passed on to the children.
However, I want to focus on the positive, so if you want more detail on the above, check out ‘Work Matters’ by Maureen Perry-Jenkins.
Positive News 
So, here’s the good news!
Researchers also said:
“For both mothers and fathers, we found that children’s emotional health was higher when parents believed that family should come first, regardless of the amount of time they spent working. We also found children were better off when parents cared about work as a source of challenge, creativity, and enjoyment, again, without regard to the time spent. And, not surprisingly, we saw that children were better off when parents were able to be physically available to them.”
Key Takeaways 
By putting your family first, however that looks to you, is what's best for your child and your own mental health.
For me, it was working for a company that allows flexibility to work from home, doesn't mind the occasional child coming into the background of a zoom meeting. It's also about taking consistent breaks throughout the day that allow me time for "me" and short bursts of quality 1:1 time with my children.
I am passionate about my work and this sets a good example for my kids as it teaches them that they too can have a job they love.
This has certainly helped me alleviate some of the mum guilt I'm facing each week. And that's a great start!